Mike Schmidt: You tell those bloody, yellow bellied directors that'll I'll shove my boot so far and fast up there...

Water Boy: Sir your on air!

Mike: Oh! Sorry folks, everything is hunky dory now! Welcome to my all new show of Mark Sanchez's Classified FNAF Death Diary... oops. I mean Mike Schmidt's Declassified FNAF Survivial Guide!

Director: Sir! Get back to the scri...

Mike: You shut the hell up! I'll come over there-

Water Boy: Sir!

Mike: Oops, sorry again folks we were having some technical difficulties! Anyways, todays lesson is getting prepared to shut the doors!

Audience: What kind of show is this!?

Mike: I will come over there and shove- *ahem*, anyways. Sometimes before your shift starts the manager comes into your office and inspects the cleanliness, so make sure you hide your stash if you know what I mean *raises eyebrows*.

Audience: Can I get my mone-

Mike: *AHEM*, Well sometimes your fat ass manager, named Mickey, likes to come in with his Jelly sandwiches and smear it all over the button and get it jammed. So every night you want to bring a dish rag and wipe it, also make sure you pour water on it-

Director: That makes them malfuction! Are you trying to kill the-

Mike: Anyways! That concludes our daily broadcast of... whatever the hell this show if...

Water Boy: What the- why is the water jug full of moon shine?

Mike: I'll tell you when I've had enough!

*beeeeep*